So you found out that you have herpes. As you might realize, it can be a very socially debilitating illness. How exactly do you get back on the dating scene once you’ve learned about your illness?
How do you deal with that sort of pressure? Well, here are some tips that should help you on dating with herpes:
1) Be honest, but not brutally so – you need to tell a date that you have herpes and give them enough time to absorb and think about the information before having sexual contact.
Remember that timing is everything and just blurting out that you have herpes just before you get in bed is definitely a big no-no.
Most people lack enough information on the disease and brutal honesty can cause them to process your revelation poorly, causing them to react in fear and loathing. However, given enough time and information, herpes doesn’t have to be that big a deal.
2) Don’t make it the biggest factor of your life – treat herpes just like any other problem in the dating scene. We all have various hurdles to face in the dating scene and herpes can be reduced to just one of those hurdles.
If a person rejects you, it might not be because of the illness. In other words, don’t use herpes as an excuse to stop self-improvement.
3) Reduce risk of transmission – there are many ways you can do this. Actually, there’s already a vaccine being developed against herpes. This vaccine could definitely make dating with herpes much, much easier.
Suppressive treatment has also been shown to significantly decrease the risk of transmission, considering that herpes is most contagious during outbreaks.
Condoms are also a necessity. When used properly, condoms can radically decrease the risk of transmitting herpes.
4) Educate your partner – the best thing you can do is to help enlighten your acquaintance about your condition. Dating with herpes can be so much easier if you help the other person learn more about the disease.
5) Get help – you are not alone. A lot of other people face problems in dating with herpes. By joining a support group and getting help, you might find that you deal with pressure a lot more easily.
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Can their be some more elaboration on “Actually, there’s already a vaccine being developed against herpes. This vaccine could definitely make dating with herpes much, much easier.”…A link or article on this? Thankyou.
Please inform me of such support groups that are involved with dealing with this pressure
maybe add in: don’t date people w/o this virus. So said people don’t have to experience this painful and traumatic affliction. I wouldn’t put this on anyone now that I have it….. you are a selfish, self-serving, indulgent, p.o.s. if you just “go about it” as if you are still normal. We are not normal, now. Go have a big cry about it that you can’t date anymore. I’m staying out of it, and infected others should as well.
I understand your thinking Roy but there are some people out there without herpes that are understanding and to be honest if you find that you and someone else have fallen uncontrollably in love with each other does sex really have to be the most important part of your relationship anyway?
I found out I had herpes just over a year ago when I had a major outbreak. Having been with my partner for 4 and a half years already we went through him testing negative for the virus and him thinking that maybe I’d cheated on him but we worked through it and yes I still panic about giving it to him but he says if he gets it he gets it and we’ll keep struggling on through life together. Knowing what I have has forced us to be more open and honest with each other and thats made our relationship stronger.
I have had it for several years and my life is not over and I refuse to believe that it means that my love life is over. I won’t pretend that I have the explanation thing down to an art. But most have been very understanding. I know for a fact that if someone loves you enough then this will be but a small matter for them. Roy you sound like you are on the pity party from hell and if you keep thinking like that you will end up in a train wreck in your head. Stop sabotaging yourself and go out and live life. You’ll be much better for it.
im currently experiencing my first outbreak & im totally lost. i dunno yet how to grasp & digest what’s happeniing to me…pls inform me of any groups that can be on help me deal with this… tyvm
Yesterday I went to the hospital to treat a strange lip sore and found I have herpes. I am an extremely health conscious person, very proud of my physical condition. Now, I feel totally lost, helpless and devastated, especially on the relationship side. I broke the news to my girlfriend who I pray to God is free of the virus.
Even though she says this will not be a problem for her, to be honest, I feel my responsibility will from now on be to stay away from physical intimacy to avoid risking others. The prospect of living like a disease carrying human being who needs to be handle with precaution for the rest of his life is plunging me into deep depression… I really don’t know what to do… I feel ashamed and lost…
Ive had it for a few months now and i find dating extremely difficult. Whenever i get too close to a guy i find some way to make an excuse and runaway from the relationship so i dont have to deal with having to tell him. Im 17 and everyone my age is so immature and dont fully understand about the virus, and that i dont think i could trust anyone enough to tell them. I want to be happy and be in a relationship again but i don’t see how i can anymore.
its going to be ok. . i just found out to that i have it. . im so scared but i keep researching an lookin for answers. . you cant blame your self an trust me you will meet someone that will love you for the person you are an not some condition you have. .
It’s been a couple of years for me now and I still have my days. I am a lot stronger now than when I first found out. There are a lot of accepting people out there and if you fall in love with someone, they will love you for the whole you. Problems and all. Hang in there. Things will get better.
I have never been on this site, but i find it super comforting. Its been over 3 years for me now. I too find it difficult when it comes to dating and intimacy. its not always the easiest thing to say to someone you know you could potentially be falling in love with “hey you should know, i have herpes” because sadly there are people sleeping around who haven’t educated themselves on such matters, when they could be a carrier for a number of diseases and not even know it. I know my friends dont think of me as promiscuous and would be shocked to know that i have herpes. Its certainly the most common STD and i dont think we should be hard on ourselves.
just one questions, has anyone mastered the art of “breaking the news” and if so any suggestions.
I am trying right now to figure out how to break the news to the guy I am dating. I just found out not even a week ago and I have no idea how to tell him. We have no had sex yet, (thank God) I am thinking about writing him a letter, because I am not able to bring myself to tell him verbally. I figure this way, if he does not want to talk to me anymore, he does not have to call me again. I also don’t want the pity look for him when I tell him. So I figure this is the best way for me to share this with him. I don’t even know if I want to date him anymore, because I know he does not have the herpes and I don’t know how to keep it from him either. Any suggestions???
i contracted hsv 1 in my second month of pregnancy orally. I was so devastated and felt gross. My boyfriend disapeared for the whole time I was pregnant. The few times I have seriously dated and told my partner about my having herpes…..they kind of said it was okay and they understand but they always found a reason to break up with me. I havent even had a breakout since the first one. Everyone just thinks you get it from sleeping around. I was in a 2 yr relationship with my boyfriend and we had oral sex that is how I contracted it. But I keep hope for having a relationship with someone who wont judge me.
I found out I was infected with the virus around 6 months ago and still have no idea where I contractedit or where I was exposed to it. I have been in a few relationships but no partner has ever had the virus from what I or they were aware. The outbreaks are not unbearable but I still feel that I am not able to really date anymore, I had a little think about this recently. More and more people are learning that they have contracted this infection every day and many have it unbeknowing to them. It is the most common form of STI and is not likely to change soon. So… Why not date someone who has it?? No fear of transmission, similar problems and someone you can talk to in confidence about the problem. I am seriously thinking about what I can do to help as many people with this stupid infection…. Your life will not stop, especially with like minded people around you. Contact me for any support people, anyone interested in finding out more info and sharing Ideas, let me know on here. I will set up an email soon for all to contact me.
I found out last week that I have genital herpes. I’ve been in a 2 year relationship with my boyfriend and I still haven’t found the courage to tell him that I have it. I’m afraid that he will accuse me of cheating on him or have been promiscous before we dated. I was really shocked to hear that I had the virus because everytime I have gone in for my yearly exam everything has come in clean and normal. Until this time I decided to take a blood STD test. I’m not sure if my boyfriend gave me the virus or if it was a previous sexual partner… I feel so disgusted with myself as if I’m a walking disease. I’m afraid my boyfriend will leave me if I have given him the disease…or vice versa. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to break the news?
Am scared, I am only 15 and my gf loves me enought that shee doesn’t care if she gets it from me. And i would rather kill my self then give her it. I just feel like a loser with herpes. I need some advice.
Well as I sit bac && listenin 2 each one of y’all stories I feel some kind of connection.my bf told me last night he has herpes bt we have had sex 3 or 4 times with a condom he dosent think I have it bt I have a big fear it’s possible.I don’t wanna leave him bt I dnt wanna b stuck with something for the rest of my life.I kno he didn’t ask for this.I don’t want him to feel alone in out of place in the world because he has it.I’m scared i’ll leave him but I don’t want too what should I do??
To all the people who haven’t told your partners you have it (regardless where/how you got) you should be ashamed – not of catching it (get over it) – but for your selfishness and lack of care for your partner(s). Tell them as soom as possible (anyway!) and put up with the reactions – You are an adult right?
Why? Well imagine your partner had HIV and didn’t tell you because they didn’t have obvious side effects for you to see or couldn’t work out the “nicest way” to tell you!
well, i got it from my girlfriend 6 months ago. She told me that she didnt know that she had it.Just now i found out my 4th outbreak( 2 in the last 3 weeks), I am feeling so sad because I am alone now, she just left me last week. I am 29, i never felt so sad in my life. sincerely I am lost now, I was loving her so much, so much, and always she gave me all kind of support during the outbreaks. I have no intentions in dating someone now, and i feel like my sexual life is ruined, prematurely. Its so painfull if you dont have anyone to talk about this. I just need help , but who could help me if not her? Even knowing that she made bad things to me (not talking about herpes) i still love her because shes for me the only girl in the world now and im able to be totally submissed to her.
i’m 13 and i think i have herpes. i noticed about a month ago some cold sore-like bumps towards the back of my tongue. i’ve experienced a few of the symptoms, and i’m scared to death. i just noticed that it could be herpes and i cant stop crying. the closest i’ve ever been to anyone is kissing, and i’ve only kissed maybe 5 different people who weren’t family. i have a boyfriend and i adore him. and if he and people at school find out, i’d be avoided or bullied. i’m so scared…
I found out 2 years ago that i have herpes…I feel like I have baggage now. I feel like what man is gonna want to marry and have children with me with this stupid disease! I met this guy online and he is a really good guy. We havent met face to face yet…anyways we was talking on the phone and he was saying how he is disease free and never had a disease in his life so I felt like I needed to tell him…So I did. His tone seemed to had change drastically but he said he still wants to meet me in person. Now my friend told me she didnt think I needed to tell him this soon because I had just met him and we wasnt going to be intimate any time soon… but I felt like that was my opportunity to tell him what he was getting his self in…Now I dont think he is going to give us a chance because he said it did change things but he dont know what the future will bring(which I think that was an easy way to let me down)…Now my question is should I let the person Im tryng to pursue right away that I have this crap or should I let the person get to know me first and see if there is any chemistry and if it is then tell him? What you think?
i just found out in june that i have herpes. i got it from my kids father which i love with all my heart. i wish he would be there for me more to support me but he’s not. seem like all he wanna do is run around the streets with these low life females and males. im so scared and i cry every time i think about it. i only told 2 of my friends and i thought they were gonna judge me but they didint. now that im trying to move on from my kids father im scared to tell the guy i been talking to what i have. we havent did anything yet and i really like him just dont know what to do
I contracted it from my 1st boyfriend who didn’t know he had herpes. He got it from 1 of the many girls he cheated on me with. I didn’t find out I had it until I slept with my next boyfriend 5 months later. I thought he had cheated on me but I asked my ex to go get checked just in case & sure enough he had it. My then boyfriend loved me enough 2 b with me through it. We just took extra precautions to make sure he didn’t get it, & he never did contract it. 4 years ago I conceived my beautiful daughter. However due to problems her dad & I broke up. Now I have 2 go through the whole dilemma of having 2 tell the guy & it’s so hard. I just told this guy whom i’ve known 4ever & we were talking a lot & I figured it was the right time 2 let him know. He says he is fine with it but I have a bad feeling about it so idk. But I would rather be let down right now @ the beginning then when that person has real deep feelings for me & vice versa. So for anyone who is dating with this condition, it’s better 2 b strraight forward from the beginning.
Guys
Its been 5 yeas now and sometimes you have good years and sometimes you dont. It’s not the end of your life and you if you find yourself with someone you love you can take regular valtrex to stop the outbreaks and ensure you dont transmit the virus. Your body DOES get beter at dealing with them, but nows probably a good time to take a look at your diet, your exercise routine and take positive steps towards making your body as strong as possible. After five years it still bugs me from time to time but thats all, like eveything you will learn to live with it and your body will get better and better at dealing with it…anyone who stigmatises you for having contracted this is probably not worth yout time anyway so move on from them. There are some great loving and understanding people out there. Have faith you will meet someone and take your time.
For those of you who are new to having contracted this over-rated disease relax – there are far far worse things to be concerned with in your life. Having contracted it at the age of 19 through unprotected sex with a girlfriend, my first year was spent lost in worry mostly over the social stigma attached to having it. It followed that I had monthly outbreaks for the first year which heightened my anxiety which is now down to about one outbreak per year and predictably when I am highly stressed through worry. Well, almost 30 years later now I have had several long term relationships, many short term relationships and fathered children, all of which have been inconsequential with regard to this disease. The worst part of it is sharing with a new partner that you have it, and believe me, if they are worth having as a partner they will be understanding and deal with it with you. It has had zero effect on my life and in fact has helped me to pick better partners in life. I close by saying that aside from the social stigma and sharing conversion it is way over-rated, and I would choose having this disease over many others.
so i basically fell in love with a guy and of course had to tell him. he felt the same about me untill i told him. now he wants to be friends because it scares him. i have a history of depression and being rejected for this. i desperatly need a support group. please if you know of one or a website please help.
I just found out I have HSV-2. I believe I got it from my ex boyfriend over 10 years ago. He was noot faithful. I had some symptoms in the past but everytime I went to the doctor they told me it was either hemorroids or from not enough lubricant during sex. I got tested once for herpes and it came back negative, no one ever told me there was a blood test that could have told me back then. My most recent boyfriend and I had just recently tried to reconcile after being broken up for 2 years. Then I get an outbreak 2 weeks after he and I get back together. I got to my doctor and she tells me she once again doesn’t see anything but will do a blood test anyway. First time anyone has offered me that option so I tell her yes and sure enough it comes back positive. I tell my Boyfriend and though he was going to be ok with it at first, but NO he procedes to tell me I am being selfish for wanting his support and wanting to still try to work this out. I feel totally lost and don’t know what to do. I though he loved me enough to get the facts and work this out. Too much for him to handle I guess. I am 40 years old and and seriouly wondering if I am meant to be alone the rest of my life.
Everyone, after reading all of the above comments I have been compelled to share my exprience with you. I’ve been infected now 16 yrs. and have felt all of the emotions expressed, and at different times over the years. First of all let me assure you that life is alot longer than next week! When I first learned that I was infected I was in the early months of a realationship and was not sure if “it” was contracted from her or a girl I was dating just previous (and never seen again to confirm). At first I was shocked and scared and affraid… We lived together 5-6 months when i had the first outbreak, so I didnt know if she had “it” or not… I gathered the stregnth and courage to tell her, and she was understanding and accepting.We were together over 9 yrs. owned a house together and were engaged. We eventually split up due to other unrelated issues. Upon being single again and dating, I have been in the position of having to share my situation many of times. I have never had any one-night stands, and found that it is probably best not to share the news with a partner untill the realationship has been established to a point of intemacy and emotion. At that point your partner should know who you are, and if it is real you will be excepted. Over time I have had to share with 5 different partners (individual seperate realationships) and have never been rejected over “it”. I am now happily married to a beautiful uninfected woman now 4-1/2yrs. who has given me 2 beautiful uninfected children. I am living proof that there is light at the end of the tunnel… Be Real, Be Confident, and You WILL Be Happy!!! AND BE SAFE!!! DAS
i have to thank all of you for sharing your experiences with thisstruggle…. Well im 24, i found out about three months before my daughter was born…. Im sure my chikds father whom i am no longer with is who i contracted it from but i never said those words to him…… I just took it for what it was and never entioned it again…. He stuck around as long as he could and shortly left us for some unknown reason…. Yeah right…. So now i been seeing a 33 yr old man which is a beautiful man….been seeing him for about 2 mnths now had sex once and none since because i thought we were going to be a one time thing but how can i tell him after we already had sex….. He may freak out and kill me or something….. I have a child, im scared.
I just got tested friday & found out yesterday monday that I was positive for herpes 2…. My whole world seems 2 be ending, I wanted more children… I want to just live a regular life & no matter how many times people say u still can live a regular life is not good enough for me. The reason why I’m soo upset, confused, & in shock is because I got it from my ex-boyfriend from 6 yrs. I always thought it was better to stick with what you know but I guess I was dead wrong! I have been crying my eyes out since yesterday & have only told my bestfriend. I called my ex to talk about it but when I called I was pissed & yelling so that made him not want to see me so he say. I just need answers, real truthful answers of how, why, how long, how many, etc. I can’t pretend this isn’t bothering & upseting me because it is. Some many men would love to talk to me but because of this virus I choose to stay away & that way I won’t have to worry about the judgemental comments. I mean my friend keeps saying its better than hiv & aids which it is but I don’t want neither. I have to find a cure for this & to be honest don’t understand why there isn’t a cure if its a sexual transmitted disease. It feels so cold & lonely right now & I know it will get better but I just can’t accept this. I have always been hard on using protection & the man that I loved & cared about gave it to me and has messed up my life more than he could ever imagine. I don’t understand why people are so scared of getting tested, I would be more scared to have it and not no or pass it along to someone else. I have had no outbreaks & hope like hell I get none.. I know the outside of my body is clean but I feel so dirty inside & lost. Hopefully days will get better and they will finally get a cure for this virus. But for anyone who has not been tested gooo asap, its better to face it now so u can find a solution. I pray for all that has my problem & scared !!! A change is gona come sooner than later. Be patience, stay prayed up, & remember we have to deal with this if knowone else chooses to so we gotta love ourself like this for now…. Having faith is the only thing keeping me strong & my kids !!! One Love
all of you make me not want to have sex
i’ve only had sex a few times and i’m 19 years old. never been tested but i highly doubt i have anything since i’ve only had about four or five partners of which before any intercourse, i had known since childhood so i doubt they have anything. besides, it’s been almost a year since any intercourse has happened and i have not noticed any changes in my body. but i put myself in your shoes and find myself extremely sympathetic
Hey, it’s not such a big deal!
Well, of course it is, in a way, but it isn’t lethal. It’s not active all the time and it’s perfectly possible to have an ordinary sex life during the time you don’t have it. And that’s coming from someone who has it rather often – albeit usually not that badly. And I have both types.
Every partner I have had since I got it has been very accepting. And if your partners aren’t, they don’t deserve you – and you can only wish them the bad karma that they get it from someone else, someone who doesn’t know they have it. At least you know and are able to use protection, right?
I heard there are more people who are infected than who aren’t, anyway…
I found out that I had genital herpes almost 5 years ago. I was in a relationship with someone who cheated on me. When I found out I had it, I felt HORRIBLE and WORTHLESS. As time passed and I became more educated about it, and more used to having it, it stopped bothering me. Theres a lot of days when I dont even think about it. It has nothing to do with who I am. I still date and I have a great sex life. Being honest with your partner(s) is important. If they cant accept that you have the virus, then they probably aren’t the type for you anyway.
guys cmoonnn its not the end of the world, or anybodys life here…no need to stress soo much about thiss….im 24 yers old, and i knew as soon as 2 days after what it was and who I got it from….she said she didnt know but didnt seem to care to much about it so I figured she alredy knew…first couple days i was soo madd she was terrified that i was going to kill her and was forced to show me her blood test result papers cuz i was fearing that she mite had something else…i went got a blood test for all the stds nd of course HSV came back positiveee…now i dont know if u guys are informed but they did find a cure for HIV, it was all over the news….bone marrow transplant, so it cannot be possible that they wont find a cure for this stupid ass virus…. now whats soo depressing for me is Iam a pretty boi, who made a mistakee, and sure is not going to end his life because of this….lets all stay positive that they find a cure or some type of a vaccine to prevent transmission at least that would help a lot…one tip the more you stress the worse it will get….gotta put it in youre head that theres NOTHING we can do, but stay positive and treat ourselves properly…god bless all of you! and trust me the cure to this crazy hiding virus will be found….
I found out in April of 2009 that I had contracted genital herpes. I’m not sure if it was from my previous boyfriend or from one of my earlier ones. The first year is when I’ve had most of my outbreaks but I haven’t had any outbreaks in months. I am now talking to a new guy and we are getting pretty close, I would like to probably take our friendship to a relationship but I fear of having to tell him what I have. This will be my second time having to tell someone, and the first guy didn’t take it to kindly. Of course, he stopped talking to me. It hurt because it was the first time I had to tell someone of what I had being as though me and my previous boyfriend stayed together after we both were diagnosed with the disease. I really want to see where this thing goes with the next guy but I’m just scared that he will not want to talk to me afterwards…any suggestions?
You all do know that studies have shown that 90 percent of adults have had herpes type 1 at some point or another right? It is an extremely common occurence. Hell, my last girlfriend was a virgin and had it before I met her. Take a deep breath and realize that almost everyone has had it.
I have just been reading this thread and felt the need to express the partners side of this situation. I am 19 years old, and The past 6 months I have been seeing someone who has contracted herpes in the past. I am not sure how, neither is he, he suspects it’s from oral sex with someone with the oral heres virus. I knew he had Herpes for years, as we have been friends for 7 years, and he was always open about it to friends, and used to take it on the chin, and take the mickey out of himself because he felt that was the easiest way of dealing with his situation. And it works, people completely respect him for it. When I fell for him, It was always in the back of my mind, but as I got to know him in that way it became less and less significant. I trust him 100% to stop anything happening due to him feeling even the slightest symptoms and we speak about it If either of us ever feel insecure about it. Sometimes he feels a bit rubbish about himself, and embarassed, but I am nothing more than understanding. I did the research myself, so sex with him is completely informed. I would not consider myself a very considerate person I am sorry to say, I can be shallow and at the beginning I was thinking that him having Herpes was a reason not to persue it. I am overly Hygenic, and self concious about my apearance, but just liking him is enough for me. So If I can get over it, I am sure anyone can, and I am completely over it. It is a minor factor. Virtualy irrelevant in a relationship.
Hey everyone. I am 23 years old, and I contracted type 2 a few years ago. It totally freaked me out at the time, but just living through it has really calmed me down over time. I am also bi-polar II and have suffered from major points of depression. I noticed my (now ex) boyfriend of 2 years would sometimes get tiny red bumps on his genitals… at the time i didn’t think they were anything because they were so small. But when I got own first onset I freaked out and rushed to the ER of the hospital in a panic. Turns out I tested positive, i was so scared and so confused… I had been faithful and he had never told me anything! When I told him, he did the worst… he claimed I had cheated on him. Even though he had been my only partner in 2 years he turned around and blamed me for giving them to him! (which was even more horrible for me to deal with on top of everything else). I thought my life was over. I was previously having a hard time keeping a job (because of my other problems), so my self-worth was already really low. I felt like I had no where to turn since my parents are very anti-sex-before-marriage. When I did break the news to them (i did not live at home) my family pulled away from me. They were afraid of touching anything i touched, and even requested that I don’t sit on the furniture or use a glass to drink water (i tried to explain it to them, but at the time they were just to un-informed). But after they had time to do their own research, they began to act “normal” around me again… Knowledge of the truth about this virus is very helpful and will go a long way with you and your relationships. But at the time I thought my social life and especially my relationship life was over. Based on how my own family reacted and my fears I started to make plans for single-hood forever. I told only my very closest friends, and they said it was no problem, and they acted no differently. (It’s amazing how even a little knowledge in advance can save so much heartache…) Share with people who will be able to support you through this like family, friends and your partner. You don’t have to find a support group of other “infected”… if 1 in 5 people have it, then just look around and smile. The people in your life (even clean ones) can support you… all but one of my support are clean, and I couldn’t have asked for better support (the one friend had a different (and worse) STD).
I can not say this enough… just relax. Its going to be okay. Even after deciding to be single forever, I was still having guys wanting to be in my life. My first reaction was to be brutally honest and shoo them all away. But instead I just lived my life like I wasn’t interested… but they still pursued. It got to the point that I felt the opportunity was right (not sleeping with them or planning on sleeping with them in the near future… just through conversations) that I decided to be honest with them. And even after my confession, they didn’t leave me like i thought they would. I made sure they had time to process, and I brought the subject up more than once, just so that it was something they could process, and feel comfortable to ask me questions about or discuss. I never brought up the topic, but one day he asked for sex. I was thinking about going to school in a different province for a 6 month intensive course. He offered to move into my apartment with his son and cousin while I was away and he told me he would take care of the place till I came back, and that he would wait for me. During the first month of my absence he texted me and told me he couldn’t wait anymore. We remained casual friends while I was gone, but when i returned he asked me to come back to him. What a feeling of power to decline! I was scared to do so since he had accepted my herpes… but i really wanted a relationship that would hold even if I was absent for awhile. What a wake-up call! I was still decide who my partner would be… I was not stuck to take the “leftovers”!!
Well during my time away (and well after my ex decided to be an ex), I met my current boyfriend. We were in the same classes while I was gone and he is everything a woman could dream for. He is good looking, funny, adventurous, so personable and genuinely caring for everyone… and to my shock: had NEVER been in a relationship before and NEVER had sex before… (I didn’t know perfect guys could be virgins!) I knew he liked me during university classes, and at first i tried to avoid him (i was still feeling burdened by my herpes), but one day we were talking privately (something we did often) and he told me he had fallen in love with me… how my heart broke!! How could the guy of my dreams tell me he loved me, and all I can tell him is that I’m diseased (or so I felt). I was overjoyed, and sad and scared and hopeful… so torn. I DID NOT WAIT, I told him within a few minutes of him confessing his love for me.
I said: “I love you too (i really did) but I have something else I have to tell you… in one of my previous relationships I contracted an STD… herpes.” His eyes did change a bit, but he shocked me when he said “I figured.” I was scared and confused… how could he have guessed?! and was this the part I feared? rejection? Instead of assuming his rejection, I asked how he could have guessed. He replied that he got the feeling like he knew I had something, but that he had worked through that possibility, and he loved me just the same.
I completely encourage anyone to open themselves up to their partner as soon as possible when the opportunity presents itself after your sure you both have emotions (love not lust) for one another. Ever since I opened myself up and told what I thought was my deepest, darkest, most feared secret to the man I dared not dream for… everything else became easy. Yes, we have other bumps in the road, but when “the worst” is over, then things never really seem that big of a deal… and soon “the worst” doesn’t seem like that big of a deal either. It really opened up our relationship and discussions. We used to talk about a lot of things, but now we can talk about everything and nothing seems so bad. He still asks questions once in awhile, and I always answer honestly… the more we talk about it, the less afraid I am of the subject. Now I have no fear because I know it is just him being concerned and wanting to be informed/supportive, and we move on. Herpes is now no bigger deal than my period in our talks. It’s just him being informed and inquisitive. Private but natural.
My STILL virgin boyfriend has taught me so much about relationships and about myself… how valuable I really am and how he sees me as perfect even though he knows ALL of my flaws. And how wonderful a relationship can be without all of the sexual pressures. What a pleasure to be in a relationship and not feel like sex is the only thing you do or that your “activity planning” is centered around new positions. I am having so much more fun and feeling so much more cared for just by us going out and doing things together, and finding new adventures, and making memories.
PS: We are now planning our wedding and he tells me he cannot wait for our wedding night.
I really encourage everyone to not dance around the subject, and when you feel like it is time to share, do it in person. If they really care for you, they will want to comfort and support you when you tell them. So telling them in person gives them that opportunity to care for you! Telling them far away or through a note or running away gives them the image that you don’t really care about them, because you wont give them a chance to truly love you. Let yourself be loved, and love yourself – completely! The ones who walk away, aren’t ready for commitment, let alone “for better or for worse”. One-night stands get dull quickly… but you have gained a way to sort out the Minos and find a wonderful lasting relationship with less guess work.
If you are still in high-school I really encourage you to just relax and focus on your studies or a after school activity you love. High school is over soon enough and by becoming really good at something, you will be more likely to be confident in yourself and attract someone who likes things you do, and who will more likely love you for who you really are. I know the social media really makes living the “fast-lane” seem like the only thing worth living for… but there is so much more to life. Please email me if you wish to tell me your story… or would like support or help. I am all ears and more than willing to be there for anyone struggling with this. happydaisys17@hotmail.com
God bless!
Life goes on and it is beautiful.
hey this is all new to me and i really dont know where to go or who to talk to….im 29 with four little ones i’ve found out that i had herpes in the year 2004. which i thought was really wierd since i’ve never cheated on my husband but he just now tells me his ex wife had it…. ive only have had one bad vaginal break out. does that mean i wont have that pain again i was sick for almost three week and in a lost of pain?
I enjoyed reading the posts from everyone, it’s helping me understand the disease better, and that I’m not the only one with these feelings. I was dating my now husband when I contracted the disease and had my first outbreak. I became very upset, and shocked. I didn’t know how to tell him, but I had been tested before and was always negative. I told him, he didn’t even react. I had seen him with cold sores on his mouth, and he told me he has only tested positive for herpes simplex one. I felt I had to stay with him, I didn’t think I could ever be with anyone else. He then went to the Doctor and he also tested positive. I married him a few years later, I do love him, but there are a lot of issues that I overlooked, because I felt I couldn’t be with anyone else every again. Now we are having a lot of marital issues, and I’m moving out. I continue to feel like I can not be with anyone ever again, I feel like he ruined me, and I could never put anyone else through, what I went through. I’m not ready to be with anyone right now, and I’m going to work and concentrate on myself, I lost a lot of me in this relationship. I’m going to look for some support groups, but my advice to all, don’t make the same mistake I did, don’t feel you have to stay with the person because they gave you this disease, you will end up hurting and losing more of you!
Hey everybody–
I’ve had herpes for 9 years (my ex-husband gave it to me). I was devastated when I found out I have it. But, honestly, it is really not that big of a deal–it’s like the stomach flu–you get it maybe once or twice a year. Valtrex is awesome! I take it when I am sick with the flu, stressed, having sex regularly, or not getting enough sleep. I have gave birth vaginally 7 years ago to my son and there were no problems. It still sucks telling people because everyone still acts like it “the end of the world.” Keep your chin u[p, be proud, and live your life.
Hey guys, after reading pretty much every single one of these feeds, I already feel a lot better about myself and everything I’m going through. I am a freshman in college and I am 17 years old and I just had my first outbreak. I went into panic mode and called my parents hysterical. I honestly didn’t know where to even start. I told the guy that I have been talking to for the past few months since we have had sex and have been dating off and on. I pray that he doesnt have it. He was so sweet and accepting about it, but we still havent talked about the sexual aspect of things. I just feel that getting it at such a young age there is really no guy that is going to begin loving me when I have this virus. Especially considering how immature guys are. Yea, maybe if I was in a 3 year relationship with someone that already loved me and knew me, but who is honestly going to start a relationship with me if they know something like this? Not many people. I dont want to have to settle for some nasty guy just because he is the only one that will be with me. This is hard and I have been crying for about 72 hours straight now. Someone help me.
Does anyone know of good dating websites for dating with herpes?
I just found out that I have herpes. I don’t know what kind…if it is one or two. I just had my second outbreak after six months or so. which is not too bad compared to others stories. I know that my first outbreak was extremely painful and traumatizing. It is hard as a 20 year old girl to deal with this complication in my life. I was definitely not expecting it, especially seeing that I have had very few sexual partners. I just met a guy and had to tell him, we have spent some time together, but he stopped calling. I feel like horrible because I think i contracted this from the first person i hooked up with after a horrible relationship. I feel like I have been through traumatizing situations with relationships thus far and now that I finally got free to experience something positive I got this disease. It makes it so that I feel I can’t find a guy that will treat me right even more…because if I do he will most likely be scared of me now.
Hey everyone! I woulda posted my name on here but I didn’t want to cross a line in the rare chance that the person I was referring to would see this. I’m a 23 year old guy and I don’t have herpes but I just fell totally head over heals for a girl that told me she had HSV2. I can’t imagine how hard it was for her to tell me but in all honesty it didn’t scare me that much. Actually, her telling me made me feel a lot closer to her because it meant a lot to me that she felt she could confide in me. It’s been a lot to think about, but when you find that special someone I don’t think it matters that much in the long run, we all have our baggage. Basically what I’m trying to say is keep your chin up and keep pushing through it because you never know who is going to come into your life next. Also don’t forget the era we live in, it’s not ridiculous to say that this won’t be totally curable in the next 10 to 20 years. I hope everyone on here finds the strength to keep pushing on, don’t ever give up on the idea that there is someone out there who will truly love you no matter what.
I am 19 and I have a boyfriend that I love..2 months ago I found out that I have herpes. I was thinking it was going to end mine and my boyfriend’s relationship. Then he told me that he has had cold sores but im still scared to tell him. My best friend told me that I need to tell him but idk if I can let it hurt our relationship. I just need to know how to tell him
You HAVE to tell him. I am 19 and I found out 2 months ago that i had the virus too, only i got it from my boyfriend whom I love so much. If anything our relationship has become stronger and nothing can come between us. I wish you the best of luck
I am currently having a outbreak. I am 30 years old, and have been living with genital herpes since I was 18.
Everytime I get a outbreak I run to the net to see if there’s any new developments with a cure.
I had a emotional breakdown 2 nights ago, and just like that, my emotions always trigger an outbreak for me, NO MATTER WHAT.
Other than that, I only experience an outbreak if I am sick and my immune system has dropped.
I’ve had a GF for almost my entire time of having the disease. Contracted it from my GF I was dating in highschool, and to this day, I have never passed it to the 2 different GF’s I had after the initial person I unfortunately contracted it from.
Mind you, I’ve always been straight up and told them both that I was a carrier and shockingly they were very supportive and voluntarily insisted we have unprotected sex, but protect them with letting them know if I feel an outbreak coming on therefore for us to not have sex during that period, as a precaution.
It is weird because my current GF has Oral Herpes, and has never passed it on to me. She hasn’t had an outbreak in over 2 1/2 years, very strange. We’ve been together for almost 6 years. She contracted it from a guy she dated in her teens and she is now my age.
It’s just amazing how each and everyone’s body is so different.
Sorry, I am just venting, let’s continue to be hopeful, and pray for better days WITHOUT this horrible disease.
I have had herpes for 4yrs. I am not sure which girl gave it to me. I wish I knew who it was. I was sleeping with a few girls at the time. so who knows. I didnt get it on my genitals when i outbreak its on my pubic bone where my pubic hair is. Its crazy because if i was to wear a condom you could still rub your vagina against my pubic bone and contract the virus. I obviously dont have sex when I have an out break. Just saying. So condoms arent as affective as you think. It does suck having it but you can have a normal life with it. Many people have it that you would never think. I am not open about it because im just dating and dont want people to know my business . If i met someone that i was really serious and thought i would spend my life with of course i would tell them. Love is way stronger than this bull#%$& disease. I do wonder if i was to get a girl pregnant not having an outbreak will she automatically get herpes?? Does anyone know the facts on this?? To all of you that has it keep your head up you are normal a the next person , no one is close to perfect. Just dont pass it on to anyone else. Peace
Hello friends, I have been living with herpes for over the past 15-years and it seems to me that this is one disease that is here to stay no atter what I have done to challenge it, physical, mentally and/or emotionally, it is a part of my everyday life. Now, I know that this may indeed sound a bit off, but believe me when I tell say this: I have never-ever-let having herpes ruin my life. I have come to the realization that considering the fact that I have lived for this long with this “monster” on my back, though no fault of anyone else but mine, than I very well better make the best of a bad situation. However, please don’t misunderstand me….I do suffer the pains and uncomfortabilities that comes along with such an never-ending disease, unfortunately, but I REFUSE to bow down……Even now as I experience some of the symptoms I continue to deal with the everyday fact that “Our Lord and Savior” is always with me even under the worse of circumstances and for this I am thankful and blessed….So my advice to all you out there who is dealing with this “monster” steadfast and continue to pray…..for there are those who are going through for more worse than us….Amen….and these are the ones who we should be praying for…