Helpful Dating Tips for Herpes Patients

Posted on 22 May 2011

Helpful Dating Tips for Herpes Patients

So you found out that you have herpes. As you might realize, it can be a very socially debilitating illness. How exactly do you get back on the dating scene once you’ve learned about your illness? 

How do you deal with that sort of pressure? Well, here are some tips that should help you on dating with herpes:

1) Be honest, but not brutally so – you need to tell a date that you have herpes and give them enough time to absorb and think about the information before having sexual contact.

Remember that timing is everything and just blurting out that you have herpes just before you get in bed is definitely a big no-no.

Most people lack enough information on the disease and brutal honesty can cause them to process your revelation poorly, causing them to react in fear and loathing. However, given enough time and information, herpes doesn’t have to be that big a deal.

2) Don’t make it the biggest factor of your life – treat herpes just like any other problem in the dating scene. We all have various hurdles to face in the dating scene and herpes can be reduced to just one of those hurdles.

If a person rejects you, it might not be because of the illness. In other words, don’t use herpes as an excuse to stop self-improvement.

3) Reduce risk of transmission – there are many ways you can do this. Actually, there’s already a vaccine being developed against herpes. This vaccine could definitely make dating with herpes much, much easier.

Suppressive treatment has also been shown to significantly decrease the risk of transmission, considering that herpes is most contagious during outbreaks.

Condoms are also a necessity. When used properly, condoms can radically decrease the risk of transmitting herpes.

4) Educate your partner – the best thing you can do is to help enlighten your acquaintance about your condition. Dating with herpes can be so much easier if you help the other person learn more about the disease.

5) Get help – you are not alone. A lot of other people face problems in dating with herpes. By joining a support group and getting help, you might find that you deal with pressure a lot more easily.

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56 Responses to “Helpful Dating Tips for Herpes Patients”

  1. J Grice says:

    name is spelled J. Grice

  2. J Grice says:

    To live with Herpes is to live with the knowledge of knowing that one day in our lives we have choosen to live life without regard for ourselves and others, however, since we have come to the realization that our lives have been “stained” “damaged” and “compromised” we should now hold true to the fact that how we continue to live our lives is merely and soley based on the will to continue to believe in ourselves and others that one day there will be hope for a better tomorrow without regard for those who have placed upon us such evil, nevertheless, I do hold fast to the fact that without “Our Lord and Savior” in our lives than where would we be, or could things have been even worser……..continue to pray and forgive….and surely through the struggle of living everyday with such a disease things would not seem so abrupt.

  3. J Grice says:

    Max, Max, Max, my friend we can not look at ourselves without blaming ourselves, there is the possibility that you may have given one of those girls the disease. not to mention that no matter how you try to avoid and/or deny the reality of such a fragile situation life still goes on……and on. Answer! If you are having someone who doesn’t have Herpes and you do……yes she/he will experience wrath of such an disease. So I beg of you please tell her and let her know for the sake of a much stronger relationship…if she cares she wouldn’t leave you…be brave and be accountable…

  4. idelmis says:

    i think is unfair the fact that people think the way they do about herpes and by just ready thecoments above i see pure ignorance. have you ever wonder what happen?.. what if it was a rape victim? or a little kid? or a person going trough domestic violence or someone with developmental problems?.. is it still their fault? do they still gotta pray god for forgiveness?… people need to reflect more on the matter and think before they talk

  5. Anonymous says:

    I am a 22 year old virgin. I have had one serious boyfriend and I have only been intimate with him, and yes, I am a virgin. I am saving myself for my husband. About two months ago, I was diagnosed with herpes type 2. The man I dated the was a huge run around. He had had over 20 different partners. He was also…abusive. He was absolutely terrible to me, I don’t know why I allowed myself to be treated that way. He was a soldier, so I stuck by his side and put up with the abuse so that he could be safe and focused in Iraq. When he came home on leave he bullied me into being intimate with him. Said I didn’t love him if I wouldn’t at least give him “something” after his months of deprivation. So I did. And still suffered more and more abuse anyway. I finally was able to make it out of the relationship with my virginity. But he left me with one souvenir that has changed my life forever: herpes. When I first found out, I was angry. I was so angry at him not only for ruining 4 years of my life but for being so dishonest and for “ruining” me. The purity I had kept my whole life seemed to be ruined. I felt so dirty. I had asked him to be tested. But he was the type of guy that said “how dare you even imply that I could have an std. How dare you.” and then call me whatever names and scream however loud he had to to make me feel terrible about myself so I wouldn’t ask again. He does not, and never will know that I have this disease as I was diagnosed after our relationship had ended.

    It’s hard for me not to blame him. And in a lot of ways I do. But I also recognize my own faults. I shouldn’t have been so weak.
    The bottom line is life goes on. It still bothers me. Greatly. But i realized that by being ashamed and hating myself and ultimately stopping living my life, thats letting him win. And i will never let him win again. And I am still working on the mental and emotional damage that relationship and the disease has done to me. But not every man or woman that has herpes has slept around. In fact, some of us are virgins, that were just being intimate with the person we thought we could trust.
    So no one out there has the right to judge us. We are who we are. Life happens. But God has a plan. And he will never give us more than we can handle.
    Currently, I am dating a wonderful man who completely accepts my disease and accepts me for who I am. He doesn’t pressure me, and he doesn’t treat me like a girl with an STD. He treats me like the woman I am. Smart, talented, funny, and full of life.

    Be accountable for your disease, whether it was your fault or not. You don’t want to be the person responsible for giving it to someone else. There are treatments. Stay informed. Do your research.
    Love yourself.
    Live your LIFE.

    God bless all of you.

  6. Alex Sutten says:

    You know it is not. that U Are weak. U needed to see the light in alot of ways an That is what God was showing U. It’s not all that bad. Abt 98% of outta every 300 ppl have the S.T.D. I have told My Current Wyf that I have this S.T.D. She has been willing to accept Me no Matter wat My Differences Are. Maybe God decided U needed to open Y’r Eyes. So Be thankful fer erry lesson U Learn an Erry thing God Shows U In Lyf.

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