Helpful Tips for Dating with Herpes
So you found out that you have herpes. As you might realize, it can be a very socially debilitating illness. How exactly do you get back on the dating scene once you’ve learned about your illness?
How do you deal with that sort of pressure? Well, here are some tips that should help you on dating with herpes:
1) Be honest, but not brutally so – you need to tell a date that you have herpes and give them enough time to absorb and think about the information before having sexual contact.
Remember that timing is everything and just blurting out that you have herpes just before you get in bed is definitely a big no-no.
Most people lack enough information on the disease and brutal honesty can cause them to process your revelation poorly, causing them to react in fear and loathing. However, given enough time and information, herpes doesn’t have to be that big a deal.
2) Don’t make it the biggest factor of your life – treat herpes just like any other problem in the dating scene. We all have various hurdles to face in the dating scene and herpes can be reduced to just one of those hurdles.
If a person rejects you, it might not be because of the illness. In other words, don’t use herpes as an excuse to stop self-improvement.
3) Reduce risk of transmission – there are many ways you can do this. Actually, there’s already a vaccine being developed against herpes. This vaccine could definitely make dating with herpes much, much easier.
Suppressive treatment has also been shown to significantly decrease the risk of transmission, considering that herpes is most contagious during outbreaks.
Condoms are also a necessity. When used properly, condoms can radically decrease the risk of transmitting herpes.
4) Educate your partner – the best thing you can do is to help enlighten your acquaintance about your condition. Dating with herpes can be so much easier if you help the other person learn more about the disease.
5) Get help – you are not alone. A lot of other people face problems in dating with herpes. By joining a support group and getting help, you might find that you deal with pressure a lot more easily.
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=b41a3c95-18bc-405e-9b18-f62f17bd5681)
Can their be some more elaboration on “Actually, there’s already a vaccine being developed against herpes. This vaccine could definitely make dating with herpes much, much easier.”…A link or article on this? Thankyou.
Please inform me of such support groups that are involved with dealing with this pressure
maybe add in: don’t date people w/o this virus. So said people don’t have to experience this painful and traumatic affliction. I wouldn’t put this on anyone now that I have it….. you are a selfish, self-serving, indulgent, p.o.s. if you just “go about it” as if you are still normal. We are not normal, now. Go have a big cry about it that you can’t date anymore. I’m staying out of it, and infected others should as well.
I understand your thinking Roy but there are some people out there without herpes that are understanding and to be honest if you find that you and someone else have fallen uncontrollably in love with each other does sex really have to be the most important part of your relationship anyway?
I found out I had herpes just over a year ago when I had a major outbreak. Having been with my partner for 4 and a half years already we went through him testing negative for the virus and him thinking that maybe I’d cheated on him but we worked through it and yes I still panic about giving it to him but he says if he gets it he gets it and we’ll keep struggling on through life together. Knowing what I have has forced us to be more open and honest with each other and thats made our relationship stronger.
I have had it for several years and my life is not over and I refuse to believe that it means that my love life is over. I won’t pretend that I have the explanation thing down to an art. But most have been very understanding. I know for a fact that if someone loves you enough then this will be but a small matter for them. Roy you sound like you are on the pity party from hell and if you keep thinking like that you will end up in a train wreck in your head. Stop sabotaging yourself and go out and live life. You’ll be much better for it.
im currently experiencing my first outbreak & im totally lost. i dunno yet how to grasp & digest what’s happeniing to me…pls inform me of any groups that can be on help me deal with this… tyvm
Yesterday I went to the hospital to treat a strange lip sore and found I have herpes. I am an extremely health conscious person, very proud of my physical condition. Now, I feel totally lost, helpless and devastated, especially on the relationship side. I broke the news to my girlfriend who I pray to God is free of the virus.
Even though she says this will not be a problem for her, to be honest, I feel my responsibility will from now on be to stay away from physical intimacy to avoid risking others. The prospect of living like a disease carrying human being who needs to be handle with precaution for the rest of his life is plunging me into deep depression… I really don’t know what to do… I feel ashamed and lost…
Ive had it for a few months now and i find dating extremely difficult. Whenever i get too close to a guy i find some way to make an excuse and runaway from the relationship so i dont have to deal with having to tell him. Im 17 and everyone my age is so immature and dont fully understand about the virus, and that i dont think i could trust anyone enough to tell them. I want to be happy and be in a relationship again but i don’t see how i can anymore.
its going to be ok. . i just found out to that i have it. . im so scared but i keep researching an lookin for answers. . you cant blame your self an trust me you will meet someone that will love you for the person you are an not some condition you have. .
It’s been a couple of years for me now and I still have my days. I am a lot stronger now than when I first found out. There are a lot of accepting people out there and if you fall in love with someone, they will love you for the whole you. Problems and all. Hang in there. Things will get better.
I have never been on this site, but i find it super comforting. Its been over 3 years for me now. I too find it difficult when it comes to dating and intimacy. its not always the easiest thing to say to someone you know you could potentially be falling in love with “hey you should know, i have herpes” because sadly there are people sleeping around who haven’t educated themselves on such matters, when they could be a carrier for a number of diseases and not even know it. I know my friends dont think of me as promiscuous and would be shocked to know that i have herpes. Its certainly the most common STD and i dont think we should be hard on ourselves.
just one questions, has anyone mastered the art of “breaking the news” and if so any suggestions.
I am trying right now to figure out how to break the news to the guy I am dating. I just found out not even a week ago and I have no idea how to tell him. We have no had sex yet, (thank God) I am thinking about writing him a letter, because I am not able to bring myself to tell him verbally. I figure this way, if he does not want to talk to me anymore, he does not have to call me again. I also don’t want the pity look for him when I tell him. So I figure this is the best way for me to share this with him. I don’t even know if I want to date him anymore, because I know he does not have the herpes and I don’t know how to keep it from him either. Any suggestions???
i contracted hsv 1 in my second month of pregnancy orally. I was so devastated and felt gross. My boyfriend disapeared for the whole time I was pregnant. The few times I have seriously dated and told my partner about my having herpes…..they kind of said it was okay and they understand but they always found a reason to break up with me. I havent even had a breakout since the first one. Everyone just thinks you get it from sleeping around. I was in a 2 yr relationship with my boyfriend and we had oral sex that is how I contracted it. But I keep hope for having a relationship with someone who wont judge me.
I found out I was infected with the virus around 6 months ago and still have no idea where I contractedit or where I was exposed to it. I have been in a few relationships but no partner has ever had the virus from what I or they were aware. The outbreaks are not unbearable but I still feel that I am not able to really date anymore, I had a little think about this recently. More and more people are learning that they have contracted this infection every day and many have it unbeknowing to them. It is the most common form of STI and is not likely to change soon. So… Why not date someone who has it?? No fear of transmission, similar problems and someone you can talk to in confidence about the problem. I am seriously thinking about what I can do to help as many people with this stupid infection…. Your life will not stop, especially with like minded people around you. Contact me for any support people, anyone interested in finding out more info and sharing Ideas, let me know on here. I will set up an email soon for all to contact me.
I found out last week that I have genital herpes. I’ve been in a 2 year relationship with my boyfriend and I still haven’t found the courage to tell him that I have it. I’m afraid that he will accuse me of cheating on him or have been promiscous before we dated. I was really shocked to hear that I had the virus because everytime I have gone in for my yearly exam everything has come in clean and normal. Until this time I decided to take a blood STD test. I’m not sure if my boyfriend gave me the virus or if it was a previous sexual partner… I feel so disgusted with myself as if I’m a walking disease. I’m afraid my boyfriend will leave me if I have given him the disease…or vice versa. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to break the news?
Am scared, I am only 15 and my gf loves me enought that shee doesn’t care if she gets it from me. And i would rather kill my self then give her it. I just feel like a loser with herpes. I need some advice.
Well as I sit bac && listenin 2 each one of y’all stories I feel some kind of connection.my bf told me last night he has herpes bt we have had sex 3 or 4 times with a condom he dosent think I have it bt I have a big fear it’s possible.I don’t wanna leave him bt I dnt wanna b stuck with something for the rest of my life.I kno he didn’t ask for this.I don’t want him to feel alone in out of place in the world because he has it.I’m scared i’ll leave him but I don’t want too what should I do??
To all the people who haven’t told your partners you have it (regardless where/how you got) you should be ashamed - not of catching it (get over it) - but for your selfishness and lack of care for your partner(s). Tell them as soom as possible (anyway!) and put up with the reactions - You are an adult right?
Why? Well imagine your partner had HIV and didn’t tell you because they didn’t have obvious side effects for you to see or couldn’t work out the “nicest way” to tell you!
well, i got it from my girlfriend 6 months ago. She told me that she didnt know that she had it.Just now i found out my 4th outbreak( 2 in the last 3 weeks), I am feeling so sad because I am alone now, she just left me last week. I am 29, i never felt so sad in my life. sincerely I am lost now, I was loving her so much, so much, and always she gave me all kind of support during the outbreaks. I have no intentions in dating someone now, and i feel like my sexual life is ruined, prematurely. Its so painfull if you dont have anyone to talk about this. I just need help , but who could help me if not her? Even knowing that she made bad things to me (not talking about herpes) i still love her because shes for me the only girl in the world now and im able to be totally submissed to her.